5 replies to this topic

[Jim1978]

Hi to all. Firstly I apologise if this is a dark and murky thread, but it's off topic and thought I would see if anyone else out there suffered with depression and how they cope with it. And also to tell your storey if you wish.
I was first diagnosed with depression at around 15. Its runs in my family. I was also diagnosed with PTSD due to incidents in my previous job. During early years it was just having low moods and being quiet or withdrawn.. I've always been the type of person whereby I cold be in a crowd of friends, but still feel alone. I've always worked through it and continue to do so to this day. But as I've gotten older the worse the the depression has become. For me it comes in waves. I can go weeks feeling fine, but back it comes. In 2016 I was made redundant from a job that I loved. a few months later I had lost my home, my partner walked out with my youngest son and I was left facing £19,000 of debt. Not only that my car was a money pit and on its last legs. I was at my lowest point. The thoughts I was having, I do not wish to say but you can probably imagine. I'd decided to end it as the pain was unbearable. It is wasn't for a friend I would not be typing this now. But things are getting better. I'm struggling daily. I'm now a single parent, I have a job again. Money is tight and I dread a big bill or a costly repair on my car. But things are getting better. I have up and down days. The slightest thing can set me off. Now I'm a lump but men do cry. I'm not looking for sympathy for writing this. But more in the hope of helping others. There is a light. I focus on my car to take my mind off things and find keeping myself busy is good too . Who knows what the future will bring.
I'd love to hear from anyone else who suffers the same. For those that have never experienced it please watch a video call " I havea black dog"
All the best

Edited by Jim1978, 05 June 2017 - 08:23 PM.

[Mondygeek]

Hi Jim

Your right it is a very dark and murky thread BUT it's a very dark and murky place to in. I'm sure you know that 80% of people suffer/suffered with depression but it's such a varied problem that gets treated all the same (blocked out) it's always good to know that no matter how alone you feel you are never actually alone. I was depressed 2 years ago and happened overnight with no trigger and lasted around 8 months. As you mention you could be within a crowd but still feel alone, my reason for this was because people knew I was low but I felt alone because I couldn't tell them how I felt, truth be told I couldn't tell them because I didn't know myself.

I seen the video of the black dog and it's great I suggest and hope it gets shared.

[Jim1978]

Hi Mondygeek
I'm glad your doing well bud, it's a terrible thing and I hope one day they find a cure along with all the other horrid diseases. I know what you mean about not knowing how your feeling when people ask. When I was on the verge of doing something silly I was worried as what would happen should I say how I was really feeling. I was brought up believing that boys don't cry and constantly told to man up or that I was miserable. This makes it worse as you keep it to yourself

[nitz]

Jim,

 

I had to stop several times across your thread because I had tears forming in my eyes, its not a bad thing, it's just that I've been through similar stuff.

 

See, I'm 29 years old, I'll be 30 November this year, I was diagnosed  with depression in 2003, about the same time as you! Coming from a wealthy family, living in a foreign Country, my mom went bankrupt at the time, things were very bad to me and to make everything worse, I felt alone. Most of the friends I had at the time were from the Internet, all around the World. 

 

To sum it up, I unlearned what is to have a life, nowadays whenever I have some spare time I spend it with my car, the old 1996 Mk2 Mondeo, which was my first car. That's how I have fun. My psychiatric told me it's perfectly normal and I shouldn't feel bad about it, not going out for a party every weekend is just a matter of taste.

 

When there is nothing to fix on my car I break things up! I find all kind of crazy stuff to do with it, I always used to say "I want to get it the way I always dreamed". The last thing I did to it was to fit a Camaro Flowmaster 40 dual exhaust, and I'm currently gaining courage to fit the Ford Fusion leather seats.

 

I work with IT Security for about 13 Companies and I develop database structures for 3rd party companies as a Freelancer.

 

I also help friends, I fix their cars for free! I fix my mother's cars! My garage is pretty well equipped, I just can't find where I put my stuff lol.

 

Besides that I keep gathering computer pieces and donating fully functional computers for charity, it all helps me deep inside.

 

So there is not really much room for me to quit my job except for turning my phone off, but people have came to my house before to find me, as funny as it sounds, sometimes I do want to quit everything, but so far it has been a couple of years I've been holding quite well. Keeping myself busy helps a LOT.

 

Just recently I got married, my family is quite small, at least I don't have to argue with myself anymore. I'm about to move back to my home Country due financial issues and a greater job opportunity and my customers wont leave me, I guess I'll have to keep coming back.

 

Speaking about diseases, I'm not cured, I have to keep myself busy or I'll fall, I'm sure about it. I also can't sleep without meds.

 

We're not alone, depression sucks, we must look forward, walk forward, we can't fall for this stupid disease.

[jack s]

Jim,

Are you still active on this forum ?

I live in Essex and am a fellow sufferer, with additional issues.

For me, the most important thing I learned was not to suffer in silence and I applaud this post.

What helped me the most was group therapy with other people with similar issues and led by a guide who had been there, had experienced depression and was managing it.

I don’t always agree with medication, but in some cases, it is needed, as in mine. It can readdress the serotonin levels in the brain, which gives you a window to address issues in your life in a more effective way.

For me the key word is management. If we can manage this hellish condition, then life is worth living. If life is worth living, there is a future.

Best regards,

Jack.

[PURPLE_2L_LX]

If you hover over the username on the left it shows the last login which was April 2019.

 

Does not mean that was the last visit, just the last time they visited whilst logged in.